


Dead or Alive

by place_spaceship



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 1st person POV! Mark, Alcohol Abuse, M/M, Mark would do anything for Jaehyun, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 08:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11032794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/place_spaceship/pseuds/place_spaceship
Summary: Mark's recount of his days without Jaehyun only to be reunited after weeks of absence, but in a rather different way.





	Dead or Alive

It was 9:36 pm, Friday 26th May 2017. I was walking home from work.

I passed building after building, street after street. It was probably a beautiful sight, but I wasn't paying attention.

I tend to have my head above the clouds and my thoughts always pass me by.

I stumbled down one last street and absent-mindedly made it home.

I was alone.

The house was empty. Cold and bare, just as it was when I left this morning.

Quietly, I made my way through the house, to our room.

_Tired._

I sat down at our desk and chopped some weed, grabbed a paper and a lighter.

Down the wall, I slid my back, hitting the floor softly.

I stayed there, staring at the wall opposite me, waiting for it to move. It didn't.

I saw two birds circling my bed. I watched them for a moment. They landed.

I reached out an arm to them and they started coming toward me.

But when I tried petting them I couldn't feel them so I laughed.

 

It was 7:45 am, Saturday 27th May 2017. I woke up, but I didn't remember when I fell asleep.

I got up from the floor and tried keeping balance. I felt dizzy and I couldn't think for a second.

I waited for it to pass and then went to the kitchen. I was starving.

Opening the fridge, I found nothing but empty noodle cups and bottles of vodka and coke that he bought for me.

Since it was Saturday, I decided to crack open a bottle.

I headed to the living and saw out the window, it was raining.

I thumped down on the couch and chugged on the vodka and coke.

Things started getting darker like my vision was going black.

_He'll come back. He loves me. He'll come back._

Tears started streaming down my cheeks as I just remembered how much I missed him. It was driving me crazy.

I can't remember how much I chugged though because, by the time I was finished, I was the evening.

 

I woke up in a puddle of drool on the couch with 7 empty bottles of vodka and coke sprawled on the floor.

God, I felt like shit.

My head was splitting and I couldn't stop it.

At least it was later in the day, and less time to anxiously await the next minute.

I sat up slowly and watched out the back of the kitchen window, the sunset - purple and gold streams of lights stretching forever and ever across the sky.

I love it.

 

It was 7:25 pm, Saturday 27th May 2017. I was drained, emotionally and physically.

I couldn't move properly, but I didn't mind.

My mind was caving in, sinking in on me.

_Why can I never keep it together?_

It wasn't my fault though. He had never been gone this long. It had been more than 3 weeks. I couldn't handle it.

I was used to him being away for about two or three days, but 25 days?!

_Nothing's wrong, he'll be back soon._

I forced myself upright from the couch and made my way to the fridge again, but this time, just for water.

 

Later that night, I was on our bed, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about him.

The world could not be any more empty.

I heard the rain patter on the window and turned my head to look at it. It was calming.

It was calming knowing that somewhere down the country, he was looking at this too.

I smiled past my tears and passed out.

 

It was 9:55 am, Sunday 28th May 2017. I pried my eyes open to another scary day.

I remembered that I had a phone, so I looked for it under all of our blankets.

I found it but it was flat so I plugged it and pulled the blankets back over me.

I dozed off again and woke up at a brighter time.

I checked my phone. There were hundreds of notifications but I ignored them.

All except for one that was a call that came from a number that I hadn't saved.

I opened the phone and checked the time of the call; 4:24 am, Sunday 28th May 2017.

I tapped the call button and the phone dialed.

The phone must've rung 4 or 5 times before someone picked up. It was eerie and awkward. It was definitely a male voice,

"Hello? Is this Mark.... Lee?" He said.

I paused for a second, scared to answer, but I just thought  _what's the worse that could happen?_

"Yeah, who's this?" I said.

He sighed and continued talking,

"I'm detective Johnny Seo, I've been on a case for someone related to Jung Jaehyun. You were the only one on his records with a contact number." His voice started sounding weird, like dreadful weird.

I chocked a little, "What's happened to Jaehyun?" My mind went on a trip. Had he been arested? What did he do wrong? Jaehyun never did wrong, though. He was always the angel.

_Is this guy trying to be funny?_

There was a long pause before Johnny spoke again,

"A week ago, Mr Jung was found face down in the gutter near downtown Seoul."

My heart sunk.

_No._

"What?! A week ago?! Is he alright?!" I started panicking.

"I'm sorry Mr Lee, but... he's been pronounced dead."

 

I didn't feel the next hour at all. My body and mind were seperated.

_Jaehyun's dead._

I smelt the blood rushing through my body.

My fingers contorted in fear, my stomach churned in pain, my eyes swam with the ghost of our past, my limbs gave out and collapsed.

_My Jaehyun...._

Where did the time go?

 

It was 4:12 pm, Sunday 28th May 2017. I was at the hospital morgue.

_How did I even get here? WHEN did I even get here?_

It was a blur.

It was freezing in there, and smelly.

They pulled one of the doors and slid the long tray back.

There was a black cloth covering the top of the person laying there.

"I warn you, it can be a little unsetlling."

I nodded.

He pulled back the cloth, and there he was.

As beautiful as ever, though paler than usual.

Then it hit me again.

_Jaehyun's dead._

I told him to put the cloth back over his body, then we walked out.

 

Later that night, the gravity of the situation hit home.

I would N E V E R see Jaehyun again.

It's been 3 weeks without him and now I could never hold him again.

I started sobbing in bed.

I wrapped myself in our blankets. I gripped them furiously, curling my fingers in search of Jaehyun's touch.

My legs stretched out through the bed to find Jaehyun's but I couldn't find them.

We would always sleep together. I didn't like sleeping alone, and neither did he.

I remembered the nights that I would be gone to a friend's, he would text me all night.

He would always kiss me goodnight.

Jaehyun would always buy me ice cream on the way home from school and work.

Now, there was no one to come home to.

I was clinging on to hope that he would walk through the door any minute.

My blood froze and stiffened because I had just reminded myself that he would not be coming home.

I felt the pit of my stomach hollow out as I started openly crying.

I kicked the blankets. I screamed in panic. I wailed in desperation.

There wasn't much to stay for now, was there?

 

I don't remember when I woke up or rather, when I went to sleep but I was on Jaehyun's side of the bed, feeling where his warmth would have been.

I lay there for a countless amount of time, I didn't care.

There was a noise from the kitchen and I noticed.

I half-heartedly walked toward the kitchen. Closing in on it, I heard more noises.

I added a little concern to my look and proceeded.

It was Jaehyun.

He was turning bacon on the stove.

I screamed and he flinched, dropping the spatula.

He turned to face me and gave a look of danger,

"What was that?!" he said.

I was speechless.

_It was a dream?_

"Uh, nothing." I said, "What day is it today?"

He chuckled,

"Monday, you're late for school."

I scratched my head.

"What happened yesterday?" I asked.

"We went to the hospital, to see my body," he said.

I stopped.

"Surprise! I'm dead," he laughed, just like he always used to.

The thing was though, he didn't look like a ghost.

"You're dead?" I asked, almost sarcastically, but I couldn't deny, what I saw the day before was pretty traumatising.

"I've been watching you since I died, you were going downhill fast," he said, "smoking weed everyday? drinking all that alcohol in one go? no good,"

_How did you know?_

I moved closer to him.

"How did you know about all that?" I asked.

"I was there the whole time," he said as he turned from the stove to put the bacon on a plate.

It was then that I realised something.

"Ok, but if you're just a ghost now, why don't you look like a ghost, and how can you touch things?" I asked, sitting down at the table.

He stopped, gving me a look of curiosity,

"You don't.... you don't remember?" He said cautiously.

_Huh?_

"Remember what?" I asked.

"You bled to death last night. You cut yourself. I don't know why you decided to do that, you had your whole life to go," he said.

 

Later that night, he lay in bed.

His arms were wrapped around mine, he kissed me goodnight and I fell asleep in our bed, in his hold.

I was home.

Jaehyun was home.

Finally.

My body and the bloodstains were still there, red and spilling from the gashes on my flesh.


End file.
